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Do I Deserve a "forever"?

Updated: Jan 15, 2021

In my salvation there is no questioning my infinity my soul possesses, but for a "forever" here on I really worthy of such a notion?

Does forever really exist for some of us? Does forever reach out and call your heart a home? Does forever resonate inside in comfort?


Does forever hide just beyond reach, out of the light? Does forever seem to escape you with every misstep you make?

Does forever mock you because the soul is too scared?

These are all questions I ask myself daily. I button up all the mess into a tidy little package and present a clean, pristine exterior to the world that all the while is hiding deep, dark secrets. Secrets that my closest friends and family do not even know about me. Ones that were stashed long ago in a far, dark corner of my soul that I desperately wish would just blow away like dry dust and ash.


What would you do with forever? You are built for seasons in everyone's life so when they are through with your soul they leave as one whole piece and you are left trying to create a piece from all the other fragments in order to feel...together.

No not whole.

No you are no longer the same.

Your whole is broken because you were busy breaking for others as if they would ever break for you. You were busy taking living pieces of yourself and trading them for their dead pieces trying to show the unconditional love your soul knows to be true, but has yet to experience from humanity.


One day...

One, single moment...

There is this one person.

That sole person that walks in, sits down in your built-for-you, make-shift cage.

They just join you.

They bring all their brokenness.

They look at all your brokenness.


They do not leave.

They do not take.

They offer.

Reaching across a chasm of broken hurts and allowing it to cut deep.

They don't run.

They simply just sit and listen.

Inevitably you do the darkest fathomable, horrid action of bleeding out.

You decide to hemorrhage at the wrong time.

Soul bleeding is hard to withstand for anyone.

It is an action reserved only for itself in the deep, dark moments in your solitude in order that you do not allow toxin to remain within. But, when you bleed out on another that has come to join your solitude not just request a piece of it you have to realize that is a kindred soul.

A soul that is of likeness...

A soul that is of love...

A soul that is one of your own...

It's your mirror to understanding just how much your bleeding is drowning itself.

It's your soul's mate there to show you just how much you damage yourself in order to preserve others souls.

Kindred, why?

Why do you stay?

What do you see?

The glass of a broken mosaic is sharp, and it takes time to create a new work.

Why do you stay?

What do you see?

This soul has been hiding in an iron mask so long it doesn't even know what it should look like anymore.

Why do you stay?

What do you see?

Kindred forever is for some, but it is truly and completely for shattered souls?

How has my soul led you to its hiding place?

What about a broken soul that bleeds is attractive to you?

Kindred...forever to me is something not to take lightly. Forever is something that my soul knows well. An infinite soul trapped in a mortal shell has a hard time containing all of the cruelty that it must endure, but understands it is a phase just like the moon.


The glass is sharp.

The glass will cut, I promise you.

The glass is collateral damage after the initial explosion.


Trust me when I say I do not mean to harm.

I cannot promise that it won't hurt from time to time.

I can promise you this love hurts.

This love burns. This love cuts. Love can be the single most exhilarating and life-crushing force all in one.

But, kindred...

Love is Creator breathed and ordained.

I promise you if forever means a mortality of loving you to the point of more shattering, I am here. I would rather inhale my own ash then create a fire that incinerates the one soul like my own. excruciating, but forever is what every soul wants when it finds its mate.

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