A strong, passionate, raging, merciless fire is sometimes the only thing that will cleanse a soul needing rejuvenation.
So many things in life burn your soul, your inner being.
Life choices.
Friends that become enemies.
Relationships.
Family.
Passions.
Lusts.
Disappointments.
The list goes on with so many ways your soul is seared each and every day.
Not until recently did I really dig into my stars. Stars of foundation and order ordained by the Creator. Stars that I was born under. My personality bites and burns at times. I have found that even like the wise men in ancient times followed stars, there is still always more to learn. Just because I am born of fire does not give me license to scorch an unforgiving world. I did not come forth of my own making. The stars were given to me. With that comes tremendous responsibility and retribution if misused.
However, the critical reality that is burning through my soul to scorch and purify is that I am fire, so you only fight fire with fire. I set so many fires. I cannot help myself that at some point I light one under myself. There is no escape except through the flames in the end.
When I learn lessons I have to learn them the hard way.
Anyone can ask my kindred; the stubborn, hard-headedness is a strength and weakness all-in-one. It sustains me when life is trying to be lethal, but in turn I can be just as lethal to anything standing in my way. So lethal in fact, that righteous fire can become hell fire when I take the chosen gift into my own hands picking up the sword of Truth and wield it in a fury of fiery wisdom that the world does not understand. I cut down that which was never meant to be cut down, and with that comes retribution; I must face the fire.
Recently I have started exploring with my heart again. For so, so long if I were to be honest, years, my heart has been barricaded; iced out of this world. I have functioned solely with my head. So for a change, instead of ruling my realm with my head, I unshackled the heart. Let me tell you the fire is hot, but as always I will be refined by the Maker's fire. The balance will be achieved on the other side. I do not know how long this path is to get to that end, but I have an infinity to find out right!?
It is still hard, excruciating actually, to allow myself to be out there totally open, and screaming "do your worst, for I will do mine."
I harp on loving the unloveable. Well, this morning I looked in the mirror and...BROKE.
Broke fully. Openly. Rawly stripped bare.
Raw, wide-open, total torrent of emotions that I have not allowed to bleed out for quite sometime. My infinity within was screaming to love the unloveable, and for the first time my infinity screamed at my humanity saying, "Love yourself because you were first loved you unloveable!"
My stars at my core incinerated me within a matter of infinite seconds. The fire is smoldering now, but I know the winds of life will keep this cleansing reality check burning through my soul for quiet sometime into my new year.
New year.
New possibilities right!?
Well, new growth never happens when there is an over-grown, tangled mess in the soul. The fire will purify deep within. I need to realize my inner most desire, in good time of course, is what my Creator wants for His own. However, if my soul is unreceptive to these possibilities and refuses to bleed out love, how can I be loved. Humanly or otherwise.
So my midnight oil sacrifice tonight is one that will purify a hard lifeless soul's ground, and bring forth a soul of feeling for my new year.