The most important thing in communication is hearing what isn't said. (Peter Drucker)
I can hear that still, small trickling of what could be in store for me on a deeper level in communication. I am desperately trying to realign and find that small brook that promises fresh, calm water to my soul. A brook filled with understanding, love, and truly engaged listening and reciprocating soul-talk.
Have I arrived? No.
Will I get there at some point? Hopefully.
But until then I can learn all the complexities of communication. I can strip away old and replace with new. That is the amazing thing of being a forever learner, follower, and beautifully restored being of the Covenant.
But for now....
The art of communication is very complex. It is something that is not just speaking and hearing words. It is listening fully through how you perceive the delivery of the words spoken and in what tone you respond. There are so many subtle ways that one can communicate their feelings, perception, and their thoughts on a certain subject without saying a word. Intellectual communication harnessed with emotional delivery is something that until recently was foreign to me. I convey emotion. But do I truly understand what I am conveying and how it can so easily be misinterpreted?
The emotional engagement in a conversation before you speak is a foundational concept to understand. It is something that sets the playing field and the “energy” in the room, if you will, for the receiver/initiator of the information to engage, disengage, or defend themselves once words start flying.
I have truly struggled with the concept many times of "be still and know…"- sound familiar?
God is patiently reminding me that I need to think before I open that poison-spewing hole. He has tried many times to get me to slow down, calm down, and listen. My rush to be heard after learning well no one really wants to listen, has caused me to become very forceful. Forceful in the sense, people go running from me. Whether speaking about things, or simply messaging them on social platforms, I get in a rush to be heard before I am cut off.
I never truly understood the art of evaluating a conversation and the person I am having it with before I share to ensure that it is a safe space filled with empathy from a person. Or empathy from myself towards myself.
Is this person here to reign down judgement like 99.9% of the world and give a quick fortune cookie 10-second advice snippet on how to smile and move on? Or is this person going to listen? Will they actively sit and engage without cutting me off? Will I actively engage without cutting them off when I am ready for an answer?
The biggest communication problem is we do not listen to understand. We listen to reply. -Stephen R. Covey
And the more I study how I have been handled by so many people in conversations, I realize I have slowly taken on the same garment. It has turned into a blood bath of words at times from me to the point that I just cut relationships and ties to “clean” out the closet filled with so many communication skeletons I can hardly shut the door.
Do I regret cutting certain relationships short?
No.
Do I regret on the way I handled the communication to get to the sifting?
Most definitely.
The fires I set were never mine to set. Places where I have imposed “righteous How-To’s” and “carnal judgment” were never needed. Who am I to say what only the “I Am” can say?
I have had so many battles in life that my communication style that prevalently rears its ugly head is the battle-worn kind.
I need to remember…
“The Lord will fight for you, and you have only to be silent.” Exodus 14:14
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