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Writer's pictureKim Stambaugh

Burning the Midnight Oil

When you decide to burn bridges be sure you can live with the consequences.

I will be honest, when I burn a bridge, I burn it hard.

I will be honest, it is not always the easiest thing to do.

I will be honest, burning bridges takes a whole new level of strength.


However....


When you burn a bridge, be sure you know your reasons for burning it clearly.

When you burn that bridge that has great possibilities, but is full with toxicity; burn that bridge hard.


When you decide to finally realize you will live with consequences either way, be sure to realize that your peace, and those closest to you, are more important then that "ministry" waiting for you that was eating away at your righteousness and soul.


I know that I am not perfect...far, far from it actually. I know that I can be toxic to people, just as they in turn, can be toxic to me. It is a hard line to realize that some things just do not fit no matter how nice you are to everyone.


One thing that is hard for most women (I will not speak for men, they are wired differently) is that we all think we need to be each others "gal pals" or part of the "in crowd". That has lead me on too many excursions that have brought me up wanting less and less of relationship. That is NOT healthy.


Women, I implore you, to take a deep look into your own soul, and really study what it is you want out of life.

What is it that no one, and I mean NO ONE else can give you?


Not a man.

Not a posse.


What is it that your soul needs above all else that only your soul can furnish?


This is the root of how I decide if a bridge should stand or fall. Remember if I burn that bridge, there will be a consequence for burning something that once allowed two-way connection. However, I know that by burning that bridge I am not appeasing things that do not feed positivity to me.


There is give and take to all relationships. I know this. But some relationships bleed you dry thinking that they deserve all the taking. No! And NO it is not helping and unconditional love to enable such behavior.


You can forgive.

But...

You sometimes have to say no to that same person pursuing the same path that lead to the last..."run you over just because I am more important attitude" that bleeds out of them all over you creating a toxic environment for every relationship you have or want to be in.


It is not love to enable someone's toxicity.

It is not love to allow that toxicity to bleed into your soul to make you toxic in return.

It is not love to keep running off so many other souls just because you "think" you have the power to save someone.


Wake up!

You are not a savior when someone else has already sabotaged their own soul into darkness, and all they want to do is pull you in too. Sometimes toxic souls need no where to go. Sometimes those souls need a reality check that they need to pull themselves out of the mess they created and realize just how hard it is to give because we all have issues and hardships. NOT JUST YOU TAKER!


Newsflash for all the women, yes I mean women, not girls, out there in this world. It is okay to walk away.

It is okay to burn bridges.

It is okay to take on the mantle of "false" shame.

It is okay to look even nice people in the eye and say because of the toxicity you want to surround yourself with I have to burn this bridge.


My sanity and my soul mean more than trying to appease someone always in peril. Has that person that is always drinking from the giving pool never replenishing it, ever think of how the waters of giving replenish? The answer is no because they cannot see past their own nose like a Pinocchio.


They are bleeding all over giving friends incessantly, never wondering if those givers might need fed not just feeding other weak souls. True women realize that they are not anyone else's keeper and walk away. They burn bridges and they know there is a price of possibly loosing that "friend", but their soul's health is worth it.


I promise you!


Being a woman is hard. That is the fact of life to it's very core we have to accept.

You do not always get to be the princess.

You do not always get to be the most beautiful one.

You do not always win all those arguments.

You do not have every guy wanting you.

You just do not get everything.


So girls that think all those statements above are false and you deserve the moon and those that hang it for you; GET A CLUE!


You get you, and that is all you are promised. You get your soul, and you get its' container.

That is it!


So where was I?

Oh, yes...burning bridges.


You have to be okay with sometimes you are wrong, but you burned that bridge.

You have to understand that burning that bridge just eliminated an option.

You have to love your soul enough to not care what that bridge burns with it.

You have to dig deep and realize what you cannot live without.


How do I burn bridges so hard and easily at times? My secret...

It is actually simple.

I know that I never want to live with a soulless container.

My soul is too precious, and the only one I will ever love or hate depending on how I feed it.


So women ask yourself honestly, is that "unconditional" love really loving someone who is trying to rebuild brokenness? Or is it someone that is tearing your soul apart taking advantage of your "unconditional" giving?



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